he is the one person i seek to progress the most. i support him with everything and want him to do good. i want him to have a stable future and get recognized for his talents. for his passion for movies. he said he even hopes to make his own movies because he loves them so much. i want people see pass that beautiful face of his. yes, he is gorgeous and handsome. but he so much more than that and he can really act. i am not even saying this because I like him. he really is good. watch Tree With Deep Roots, and his acting was flawless in there. i was so proud of him because he did so well. i use to have this fear....a really scary fear that ran in me for a couple years, while hyuksoo was just modeling. i was so afraid that one day, he'd get too pressured from the model industry...and that he'd take his precious life away. it became bigger when Daul (RIP) took her life. I got scared even more. It wasn't because I didn't believe in him, it was because I know that the fashion world can be a scary and dirty place. But now, that I can truly see the happiness in him and he has more opportunities, I don't have that fear anymore. Alot of people think that because he plays "depressing" characters, he's depressed in real life. They think because he doesn't talk alot and because he doesn't smile often. But that's not it at all. He's good at portraying those roles mainly because of his outer image and his voice. And because he can really act well. He's reserved, quiet and shy. But when he's with friends, he's the opposite.
To me, he's a star that starting to shine. One day, he will shine the whole world.

does KBS have a heart? The victim's family have been trying so hard to recover from last year. both parents are very ill. why would they go to them and ask them about something that is tragic to them. Even the older brother was "rumored" that he took the money daesung compensated and ran away. SERIOUSLY? Him & DaeSung are actually friends now and they talk. He's very helpful and encouraging to towards DaeSung. What KBS did was just wrong. it's so disappointing. go try and find someone dating or something rather than trying to ruin someone.

with DaeSung's & JiYong's whole issue. that was LAST year, they already apologized numerous times. and they already did a whole talk show about it. i know Big Bang is coming back, but it's time for shows to get over it. It's old news now. go find something else to talk about. they've had enough of it and it's hurtful to see them upset every time people have to bring it up. especially KBS, they have some nerve to try to make DaeSung look bad but TOO BAD they failed because the man's older brother confirmed it was not true. KBS is immature and needs to stop holding grudges.

people asking me when am i going to college. What if i don't want to go at all? Sure, it's good for you but college isn't for everyone. you don't have to go to college to succeed in life. I know I'm not disappointing my parents either because they're really open and accept anything. I don't fucking care anymore. I'm either going to go be in music with YG or get into the fashion industry. I don't care what people say or think about it. Do you know how many times i've heard "you won't go far with music. it's just temporarily." or i'll hear "you think being famous is all that great?" IT'S NOT ABOUT THE FAME. it's about doing something i love and want to do. i know what's coming and i know that the music business isn't the prettiest place, but it's worth it to me. i don't want to be in the music industry just to be famous. i don't want to be in it just so i can meet all those amazing people. i just want to do something i feel happy doing and where i can express myself the most. i hate those kind of people who want to be a "kpop star" just so they can meet their precious oppas. girl please, you're wasting your time when there is someone who wants it for the right reasons & wants it way more than you could ever want it. anyways, i don't care anymore if i get judged and stepped on because i'm going this journey. they'll see one day. they'll see.

it was so scary and real to me. It was the middle of the night and i was just walking on the streets and then all of a sudden i get this call. I don't remember who it was on the phone but they were telling me i have to go to the hospital and visit Joon. and at first i thought it was ridiculous and told them i can't. but they kept on insisting. so i hung up and thought over it and decided to go. i like literally rushed there and that person texts me the room number. So I get there, but this hospital was kind of small and I didn't realize that the stay rooms were on the next few floors and I just missed the elevator so i ran up the stairs instead. And his room was actually one of the first ones, so i barged in and i looked around and so no one on the bed or anything.....but this was the creepy part. there was this tub thing on the floor, it was pretty big and i looked inside and Joon was laying there with his eyes closed and had a mask breather on. I literally freaked out. and then i woke up. i thought he as dead or something in that tub thing...i don't know. i don't want a dream like that ever again...

-defined jawline. i love a very defined jawline, it's so attracting to me. who doesn't like that?
-when it comes to style, button ups with a bow tie, i like alot. chic is attractive. but not too tidied up. OR when they wear leather jackets, studds especially. i also like that too. actually i like rock chic. but if he can pull off the most oddest & interesting things in fashion, i like that too.
-I like it when guys have pretty like hands. Like HeeChul's hands are so freaking pretty for a guy. I think HyukSoo has pretty hands too...except his thumb nails, i don't like them lol. I KNOW, this sounds so weird, but i'm very observant to those kind of those things. and i think its attractive when guys have pretty hands.
-guys who look mysterious when they don't smile, but when they do, it's their best feature.
-looks good in guyliner. i don't even care, i like guyliner and it makes them look more uniquely interesting.
-somehow musically talented. whether it's singing, rapping, piano, guitar or any instrument. though i'm really attracted to guys who can play piano / guitar. i think they look handsome & have charm when playing.
-liked by / good with children is a plus plus.
-personality alot like mine. i don't really believe in opposites attract. for me that is. i can be very quiet & reserved. pretty shy to new people. unless I am with friends, i can be pretty free and outgoing. i think if he's alot different, personality wise, we won't get along. plus i don't like guys who are too outgoing anyways.

there's so much more...but i don't want to post every single thing. my standards are really high, huh? i really can't help it. i can't help what i'm attracted to and what i like.
now reading this over...and over....hyuksoo fits in every single category. literally except the children one, i'm not too sure about that. but i know for sure the last one he fits because his personality is alot like mine. and everything else i written...he fits............

If they did date, then their parents are not aware that they are no longer together. Because either way, they are not together at this moment. You know how there is always some political / powerful person who messes up and they just use celebrity gossip to cover up? I think that JunHara was set up for that kind of thing. (same goes for Jonghyun & SeKyung.) They can't just out of the blue start going out in public and let everyone know. & then so happens photographers are there taking stalking pictures of them. THey were so open and no cover up. There may be alot of couples dating within the industry but because of their contracts & fans, they try their best to stay on the DL. Just look at Se7en & HanByul, it was YEARS after until they went puplic / found out. GD has dated (he said so on Healing Camp) but he was really careful about it. Though alot of people were suspicious, they never had proof. I don't know but I think if JunHara was really dating, they wouldn't have just plopped out in public like that. Maybe Junhyung & Hara really did like eachother. I indeed think they make a cute couple, but I don't believe they're real. What kind of relationship is it if you don't call or even text eachother? Being busy is not an excuse. Alot of idols are busy but they make time to keep in contact with their family and friends. If you can do that, can't you take the time to do that with the one you love? Why is JunHyung & Hara always awkward when their relationship is brought up on broadcasts? I understand if they were shy about it, but the way they react is so different from that. Also after their "break up" rumors, there were new rumors popping up that they have couple rings & jewelry and all this stuff. But when infact other Beast members have the SAME EXACT ring or bracelet. So that makes no sense to me. If they were real and more open about it, then i think more people would believe it. I mean alot fans already accept the thought of it. I'm just really fishy about it and over analized it too much i guess. it's just in my point of view on them and how i see it.

wow people are like all over him now. now that he's in SUFBB. But...his character, Choi Chi Hoon, in White Christmas was way better than his character in SUFBB. whatever, I'll always like him as Choi Chi Hoon.
it's just so random and weird to see people post his pictures all the time now on tumblr...where before people were like "sungjun who?" lol...seriously. there were a few people who did know him. i NEVER saw anyone post / reblog him on my dash before but now....all the time lol. this is what a drama like SUFBB does. okay...i'm going to take HyukSoo, JongHyun & HyunJoong with me and aika and we're going to neverland. we'll take a supply of coke, burgers, popcorn & cocoa with us. yep yep.

because he's a father who also makes mistakes which makes him more perfect. The moment when he spent HIS OWN MONEY on Lauren, DaYoung and Leo, even he was surprised. He bought Lauren & Dayoung such pretty clothes. I was kind of worried since he has no fashion sense but he dressed them so pretty. This guy is a scrooge when it comes to money. He doesn't even spend money buying his own clothes. Which shows how much he loves those kids. My mother was surprised of it too lol. Joon you are so wonderful to those kids and I know you will make a great dad one day. You will spoil them but at the same time discipline them when it's needed. You're the kind of parent I would be. Though he was tested as the 4th out of 5 best dads, in my eyes he's the best. lee chang sun, please never ever change, okay? ♥

So i think i might be catching a cold or something. And i did not realize it until i got to work today. My nose was all stuffy and so was my throat. And JiJae is all "Are you sick? O.O" and i told her i really don't know. So she leaves the kitchen and when i come back, she has dayquil in her hands and tells me to drink it. And then she was all "Put this on your nose.", hands me that vapor gel stuff or whatever you call it. then she takes a handful of cough drops and sticks them in my apron....lol. she's like a mother i swear. i didn't even ask for any of this and didn't really think i was that sick.
also, she understands me so much. i mean come on, who out of all my friends thinks GD's She's Gone MV is nice? they all think it's creepy and thinks i'm crazy for liking it. but JiJae's like "i like the MV...sure its a little creepy but it's good." HA HA HA. she agrees with me, yes yes. though i'm the only one who thinks JiYong looks good...i wouldn't mind him chasing me like that....v(^-^)/ ㅋㅋ

with JaeJoong's make up. Well mainly the under eye make up...it's so dark and it makes his eyes look scary. When JaeJoong has really beautiful eyes. I love natural JaeJoong way better. I usually like guyliner on biases, but I like JaeJoong with out it.

is so freaking adorable. it's awkward for me seeing YoungBae calling JaeBum, "Hyung" though. idk why it is but it is haha. Though I know YB is older it's just....weird. But Jae's other tweet "빅뱅분들역시멋지시네요~ㅋ" which means "As expected, the members of Big Bang are really awesome~ ke" JAE KNOWS WHAT'S UP. I love how many BB fans there are within the industry. But my favorite BB fanboys will always be HongKi & JongHoon from F.T Island. they the true fans. :)
Oh & I'm so happy because BB & MBLAQ will be on the same stage. That's IF Big Bang starts promoting next week or so, since MBLAQ is going to promote Run starting next week.
Okay this was so random and alot of things in one lol.

i feel bad because i'm initially KiBum biased. But I've coming to like Hoon alot now too because KiBum isn't there. I love Hoon's voice. Alot of people think he's ugly but i find him very attractive. I also like his personality too. Though I like KiBum still and miss him alot...there's Hoon now. sigh.

am i? Yes and I always will be. Not like I use to be though, but I still will always support him. It's just, there is two sides of Jay now, and I only love the one side. I know I should like both, but everyone has their own taste, right? I like nice dressed or casual Jay with his dorky personality. I like him better promoting in korea and on variety shows because it shows that side more. I like prefer his songs like Star over songs like Level 1000. I don't like his arm full of tattoos. I don't disagree with tattoos because I did love the ones he had before...the small simple ones but he kind of went over board. My brother has his whole arm filled with it and use to be a tattoo artist...so tattoos like that are a turn off to me lol. I like simple ones like JunHyung has & GD's arm & back one.
Anyways, Jay will always be someone I look after and hope for the best. ALWAYS. Though I may not talk about him much and not much of my friends think I still like him. They also don't understand why my like for him has changed. Well I think JiJae does but she always understands. I still adore Jay Park, actually scratch that out. I adore Park Jae Bum :)

Mir: "You believe us & love us who are nothing. A+ fans who 
always exert all your endeavors for us, I love you & thank you."
but you guys are so much to us. not nothing...
i don't like seeing you or any of the members cry. i wish you 
guys see what we see you in you. you have a wonderful 
& touching leader, seungho, who is supportiveof every member. 
you have a caring hyung, g.o, who loves you all.
you have a hyung, joon, who cares for you and has a big heart.
you have a hyung, choendung, who is always thoughtful & sweet.
then there is you, who is the most sweetest & lovable 
person there could be.
how can you guys be nothing? 

that's what Joon said and....it's so true that it's sad. I love both groups so much but MBLAQ will always be my boys along with Big Bang. Some people say MBLAQ's concept are tacky and not much effort, same goes for their choreography...but I don't think so. I  love their simple choreography...it's just MBLAQ's music is really unique compared to alot of the boy bands. What they do is who they are and they should never change that. Just because some people don't like it, I love my chicdols and they should never change anything. I hope one day MBLAQ will gain more popularity & people accept them for who they are and what they do. i want mblaq to be happy and see the love they deserve. I also wish some A+ would shape up and actually show the love they have instead of being illmannered and complaining all the time about the stupid things.
both groups are just different. different music & different styles but they are both so talented.
anyways, i believe MBLAQ's time is to come soon. just wait guys, it's going to come.

and don't say i never gave them a chance, because i tried once...but i just couldn't. they're not really my type of music anyways. i'll be honest about this whole crazy drama that's going on, what they did was wrong. it was very disrespectful. i know they're rookies & they may have fun personalities but there is a line that you can't cross. and you have to learn when to be professional at the right time. But! I do think people are over reacting about it. What Khun said was right. They still have alot to learn about. and also when he said something like 'You don't tell someone to die but tell them to learn from their mistakes.' They apologized so we'll see. It's ridiculous how people react over stuff like this. I've seen it so many times & being a fan of a group who has gone through alot, i just know. I am not even Block B's fan...I don't even like them at all but I would never say they need to die. Hopefully they really did learn and never do that again. Same goes for all rookie groups. Please think and act before you do anything. Alot of their sunbaes have never acted in that way in another country. you don't have to lose yourself, just be more professional and more respectful.

and after Beast's dads picked a female they would like their son to be with, i asked my mom if she was to ever pick any male group member, who would it be. and she like thought it about and was like "i'm not sure....it depends." i told her just if she had to pick one on the spot...and then i was like "Onew?" and my mom said "no not really." I was actually surprised haha. and she thought again and answered. "JiYong...I like JiYong. I think he's a good person and is smart. I like that he does things on his own...plus he has money haha." she was joking about the last part but yeah. I was surprised she'd pick him that category. ;___; She wants JiYong as her son in law. But here is me, thinking I don't suit him... yet everyone around me thinks I do. idk guys. I feel like he's too good for me and we're way too different. though i still love him. She also said she wouldn't mind Joon but she thinks he's a bit of a scrooge and keeps his money too much. which i kinda agree haha xD
and JunHyung & his daddy are so cute. I will be honest, I never believed JunHyung and Hara thing. NEVER. not because I'm his fan, I just never believed it. Same went for JongHyun & SeKyung. But to me, pictures were too good to be true. Why would a company let them date that young? Usually companies are strict about that. I found it fishy...but then JunHyung's dad said that she came to their house...so I guess it's true? unless his dad was paid to say that lol. Idk what to believe, but yeah his dad is cool :)

haha dae to the bak. aika said she typed in "hyuksoo gif" in google to revenge me with my doongie gif lol and up comes jiyong's picture from my tumblr & then a picture of me? lol. i'm secretly hyuksoo, in female disguise o_0 either that or google knows how much i love hyuksoo. idk, it's in my favor today. muahaha...

kwon ji yong made a mistake, i know that. but he will do better in the future since i know he learned from it. he may have sound like a bluff for making excuses, but he still had the guts to fully apologize. i believe his words because he's not the type to lie. not even to 'cover up.' if he really just wanted to try it, then he would have said it. to me, it's no difference. i don't care what he did or what he does. i don't care if he's a celeb and needs to keep his stupid "image" that everyone is so sensitive about. to me, he's a human being with great talents that just shares it with the world. humans are allowed to do such things. they're allowed to make mistakes, it's called life and learning from it. which is why i look up to him so much. but i'm not going to let those stupid immature fans' comments about how he's a bad person get to me, because honestly, it's not true. i know it, he knows it, big bang knows it. that's all that matters.
same goes for daesung. he went through a terrible time and i thank God he is still standing here. because if it wasn't for God, daesung probably wouldn't be here which scares me. but i am thankful for that. and no matter what people say, daesung will always be a good person.
those two are great guys with beautiful hearts. they're more human to me because they've made mistakes. but they're more grown up because they've learned from them and i'm proud of them. i'm glad big bang is big bang and they're there for eachother.

this song is from Jungle Fish. and it's a duet between Joon & Hong Jong Hyun. one of my favorite OSTs & both sing so well. This actually proves to alot of people who says Joon can't sing, that he really can.
but yeah, JongHyun sings the beginning until 0:54 & then after is Joon until 1:20 then its chorus. You can tell who is who because of JongHyun's deep voice which is so charming. Anyways, I was watching today's Vampire Idol and this episode was where JongHyun got in trouble because he tried updating the prince's smartphone. Which he did and was so proud of himself lol but i guess he ended up breaking it because it froze on him so he got in trouble. Then he learned from Yubi & Mina that if you write out your own story you're stress will release so he got so excited and wrote this story about him taking the prince's place. and this one part they were singing and all of a sudden JongHyun sings this song (obv. since it was his song) & i was so excited...but he did it so badly LOL. i was all 'what are you doing jonghyun? you can sing....why are you singing like this???' haha but actually he's suppose to sing like that since it's suppose to be funny. Since he was singing so bad but it was his imagination thinking he was singing so good & people in his imagination were like "omg this voice is like an angel" o.o i was so sad because i knew he can sing way better than that. gah why won't Vampire Idol let JongHyun show his skills? Same with HyukSoo, he sang today again and it was bad...he sang nicely in the previous episode o__o I know LeeJung can sing but come on let the other boys sing too. LOOK AT JONGHYUN'S SINGING SKILLS. & i think both HyukSoo & Woobin have potential ;___;

and does it really bother me? no. people probably think i have alot of friends but i don't. i have a few friends. and those few friends i cherish alot. i don't need a ton of friends to make me happy. i just need close people who i know i can fully trust in life. that's all that matters to me. that's why it really bothers me or tears me down if a friend were to betray me or lie to me. i feel like if they need to lie to me then you never really thought of a friend. or i think am i not a good enough friend for you to tell the truth to? though none have ever done that to me. and that is why i can trust them. i don't trust people that easily.
friends from the past, i tend not to forget about them but i don't really care if we're not friends anymore. we've all seperated because we grow up and change. but you know who are the greatest friends? the ones that grow up with you and no matter how much you change, they accept you no matter what. two people, katie & deedee, both saw me change into someone different and they have never once turned their backs on me. they accepted me for who i was. when i became more into my korean side, alot of my school friends turned away from me. jijae was the only one that didn't because she was just like me. and later deedee became open minded and now is the same as me. katie has just let me be me and doesn't care. though we have alot of different interests we're still like sisters. those are the greatest friends you could ask for, in my opinion.
and then there are the friends that you make because of your change, friends that you feel like you were met by fate. which i made a good amount of. and it's more amazing to have friends who live far away. though miles don't matter because you make the time to alteast keep up and talk. those are great friends too.
i wish i could do more for all my great friends. sometimes i wonder why they're friends with me, but it doesn't matter. because i should be thankful for them. 

lets just say i love you my friends. and know that i'm always here for you guys.

wha...what? i think my heart fell to the floor. though those were horrible things, but to hear that if it wasn't for them, Big Bang would have ended. It's horrible to say this...but I'm glad those happened in a way then. Not only because Big Bang would have disbanded, but also they grew and learned from their mistakes. Which makes them a better person. Makes them more grown up and more respected in my point of view. This must have been the Axis of Evil that JiYong was talking about.
But....I was not the fan to be mad or disappointed with JiYong when I heard his "drug" use. I'm more of an open person and learns to accept people no matter what mistakes they make. JiYong is a human being that just likes to explore. Being his fan for idk how many years now, I learned alot. I think out of all my biases, things were different and tougher with JiYong. He's gone through alot and I just learned over the years to just accept it and not judge. I can't turn my back on him over stupid things. The stupidest thing I got mad about made me realize how stupid I was. Get this, i don't know if you guys would remember this but for Haru Haru promotions, he once wore this shirt that had buttons on it and it said stuff like "i heart sex" & stuff like that. and being the young immature person i was back then i was all "what the heck, why would you wear that jiyong? what's wrong with you? that's bad." but then he explained himself over an interview and i realized i was stupid to be mad and ever since i just accepted everything. I'm not a person who cares for smoking because both my parents smoke and so I knew I was never going to smoke & still don't and never will lol. But when news came out with JiYong smoking...i didn't really like it but i didn't care. i wasn't surprised either lol. it wasn't going to make me like him any less. it's his choice so whatever. but then there are these stupid fans who were his so called awesome fans turn their back once they find out he smokes. oh & then they find out he drinks they are so surprised? i mean really? do you not know kwon jiyong? lol...idk i think fans can be pretty silly. I don't know how I got into talking about this now...
anyways, i think i won't be able to handle Healing Camp though I know I will watch it. I know I'm going to cry once or twice. I don't like seeing them being in a vulnerable situation or being upset in any way. or talking about hardships though it makes them more beautiful than they already are. I cried when JiYong was on Strong Heart giving his message to his mom because he cried. I cry way to easily because things get to me more. I watch a kids movie and I cry. idk whats wrong with me .___.

i liked it but the ending could have been better...kind of disappointed with it T^T but overall it was a pretty good movie. really sad at some points, so me & jijae ended up crying a few times but we were prepared! we wore no make up because last experience watching sad movie wasn't good when we wore make up. we watched My Sister's Keeper in korea...and that was really sad. we had to go to the bathroom after because your mascara and eye liner was everywhere OTL.
today was actually a good day though. i went to church with jijae, kevin, my boss (jijae's mom) & michelle. i haven't been to church in a while so it was good and everyone was super friendly at this church. which is always something to look in when going to church. i hate when you go to a church and you're new yet no one greets you. that is so rude....but this one they were very friendly and nice. and then after me, jijae, kevin & michelle went out to eat. and then us girls went to kmart and bought make up....well me & jijae did haha. michelle doesn't like that stuff. then JiJae went to my house and we ate icecream & watched mblaq's hello baby for a couple of hours. she's so funny... like that pool part where only joon had a tank top on and he was all showing off his muscles and she punches my arm & says "yah thats for youu hahaha." lol. i hate when she does that sometimes xD. but atleast she's still her self. then we went to the movies and now i'm home...lol.

it said "A+ well mannered fandom since 09"...well something along the lines of that. and i thought it was funny because it's not true. It use be and it use to be a fandom that i thought was amazing. But eversince fellow A+ started boasting about it a while back, things just turned at that point. How is calling Mir bad names, telling him you hate him, telling him to die, complaining about Mir's & Joon's haircuts from Mona Lisa, being TOO biased, bashing other groups / fandoms because mblaq lost, making them apologize for things they don't need to be apologizing for & etc being "well mannered"? What planet are you from to think those are being well mannered? I think that's been all ruined with big heads.
sometimes A+ embarrass me with their little immature acts. i know it's not all A+ but when a group of them do it, it gives a bad name to the whole fandom. all fandoms are like this though so what can you do? They just shouldn't boast about something that isn't true anymore....

yeah so that's basically me everyday of my life haha. you're the male version of me, aren't you? i swear you are lol. you drink coke just as much as me. we both make the best facial expressions. (especially our judging faces xD) you don't like bugs like me. and you're obviously just as clumsy as me. oh and jiyong is your idol too... if only you liked hello kitty too....haha. then you would be the male version of me.

though big bang & mblaq are tied for my favorite groups, but when it comes to music, Big Bang instantly catches me. I love MBLAQ's music too, just sometimes it's not my favorite favorite. The thing is i love their previous albums more than their new ones but I love their newer title songs prior to their older ones. I'm probably more attached to their personalities & talents more. but ANYWAYS when it comes to Big Bang, every single freaking song I love of theirs. I think the only song I'm not too fond of is How Gee...and that's it. All their other songs, I love so much. It's like every album they are just bringing something newer and newer. & Their new album...the teasers are just so beautiful. & The sound has more of a mature feel to it, i think. I got sucked in and can't stop replaying the TEASERS. the sound is so soothing. and each song sounds different and amazing. (well from the three i heard lol) I never regret buying their albums because it's always worth it. I appreciate all the hard work JiYong & Teddy put into the songs. They know music really well and fulfill the taste buds of the fans. I love the fact that every time JiYong has new taste in music, he shares it with us with Big Bang's songs. I honestly don't care if they take a year all the time to promote. It's worth it because of the music they bring to the table. You know they put alot of thought & heart into the albums. V.I.Ps should stop complaining about it and realize the good things that come out of it.
& I've come to realize not listening to teasers doesn't help. I mean artists do it for a reason and that's to get you more pumped and excited. I think YG takes time & money into making teasers and we should listen to them. I use to be a person who would wait to not listen to songs (i was like that with Jiyong's solo & GTOP album) but then when I listened to these teasers, this whole time i've been missing out on this feeling. Feeling of more excitement when you hear the teasers rather than not listening to them. And this feeling of curiosity of the whole song after just hearing a bit, i love that feeling. Teasers come out for a reason and I appreciate them now.

when I see those pictures / posts that say; me = tall, awkward, plain, tshirt, jeans. other girls = short, cute, dresses nice, make up.
and everyone is all like "omg this is me this is me."
i put myself in "other girls" category other than the 'cute' part lol. i don't think i'm cute...just no. but i'm short...i wear make up...i like to dress up. they make it sound like the "me" are the normal people....but honestly there is a handful of "other girls" that are just as normal...we're just different on the outside. we're just as awkward and different as you put yourself as. i feel like they're putting the "other girls" as outkast...and they're jealous but you shouldn't be.
i actually think guys go for the tall awkward ones rather than short and cute ones....idk if i am even making sense. but i just for some reason don't like those posts.

is so freaking charming when he sings. It's already so soothing when he talks, but when he sings omg laksdjkajd. I finally got to hear him sing....he doesn't have the best voice obviously since he's not a singer. But it has charm to it. And he can atleast sing in tune and on key. Which makes him more attractive. Lee Hyuk Soo, stop surprising me with all your hidden charms alskdjlakjsd! Joon is going get jealous....
but no seriously, hyuksoo is so close to my ideal type, it's crazy. And I'm not even building my type around him at all. My ideal type has been the same for a long time and he just keeps getting closer and closer. more & more i learn about him over the years. I think I may be greedy for saying this, but I'm hoping this year he will get more acting opportunities like last year. he is doing so well and each drama he gets better and better. I still think Tree With Deep Roots was his best....and I think he may be beating Jang Geun Suk's spot as my favorite actor. I'm sorry geunsukie ;___; i still love you and your acting skills. But HyukSoo's charming skills are beating you....

was just like any other day really lol. I woke up and worked and now i'm home. I bought chocolate for my coworkers. bought chocolate for my parents & coffee mugs. and it turns out my dad loves his because i bought him a big one and he loves his coffee haha :) my dad bought me pink roses <3 and then both my mom & dad bought me this Hello Kitty Valentines basket thing and it's so cute! especially the plushie and it had a picture frame in it too. oh and also a gigantic card haha. but i'm really thankful for them :)
i don't really care if i don't have a special some one to spend it with. it would be nice but not complaining at all.
anyways, i think Thursday me and JiJae are going to go see The Vow. i can't wait because it looks really good.

will be my future son's name. though my mom said it's too long and sounds weird... she said JaeJoon is weird ): so she said i should just stick with Joon Alexander. I'm sorry mother that i don't like older like korean names. you don't even want to know what she was going to name me if i was a boy. TaePoong. NO...o___o
I like Joon Alexander too...but then his korean name will just be Joon.... & NO...he's not named after Joon. or JaeJoong. If he didn't want to use his middle name for his american name, he could just easily get by with Joon or Jae. so yeah...simple and i like it. Alexander is my dad's middle name and i've always liked that name. and I found out Aika likes the name Alexander too! Our sons are going to have the same name :)
I don't even know what my daughter's name is going to be though. haven't thought about that one yet.

like when he wears button ups, cardigans, bow ties, big knitted scarves, vests, nice coats & etc. i like his chic style. It's exactly how I want my future bf to dress like...the thing is I know that if it wasn't for Joon's stylist, Joon wouldn't dress like that. He doesn't have much fashion sense nor does he really care much for fashion... which is a little sad for me. I like a guy who has fashion sense and likes fashion like GD does. Though he really isn't on the chic side, he goes for anything and isn't afraid. and then there is HyukSoo who dresses chic and also loves fashion. If he didn't...then I don't know why he's doing the career he is doing lol.
Joon, please look at what your stylist dresses you in and realize how handsome you look. how much it compliments your features. Handsome guy needs to dress chic. xD
it doesn't make me like him less. not at all, it's just something i was pointing out.

which i thought couldn't be possible. but one time, me & deedee were looking through DBSK videos and i came across clumsy jaejoong ones and omg he's bad haha. he tripped 3 times in a row. i'm sorry but i'm not that bad. deedee was like "didn't know anyone could be clumsier than you but jaejoong beats you at that one." just think if we were just walking together on the streets and how embarrassing we would be xD because JiJae has been embarrassed numerous of times because of me. I remember we were in youngdeungpo underground shopping center and i tripped on the steps (it was like 3 steps?) and i fell completely landing on my knees and hands...OTL (yeah like that haha) and she just left me and walked away because she was so embarrassed D: and i get teased and made fun it of it for it too. my parents are always like "did you just get your feet yesterday?" and my boss at work will always be like "are you sure you can carry all those dishes? knowing you...." oh and my coworker, if she trips she'd be like "look, you gave me your disease haha." D: i can't help it... it's a given when people meet me that i trip over my own feet all the time. you'll learn that about me really fast.
and my proud moments are when i trip and i look around to see if no one saw. and if nobody did, i'm like YEAHH haha. it's rare though because some one always seems to see it. ):
jaejoong, atleast i know someone who is worse than me. it's okay. we can be clumsy together.

they need to stop making you feel so terribly bad for HyukSoo. I love the fact that they made his character really genuine and loyal. But it's bad to the point where I have the urge to cry but I hold back so bad. He loses his good paying job because they gave it to someone else. So then he felt bad because he couldn't buy the prince anything. He could only buy 3 bags of ramyun and he decides to take a part time job at a mini store. So when he comes home with the three ramyun....turns out WooBin won 3 HUGE boxes full of ramyun and the prince was so happy. But it made HyukSoo look like he was worth nothing and the look on his face was so heartbreaking. So he hid the bag and left the room. Then when he starts working, the store owner said that he can take all the expire items home because they're okay to eat. & They really were okay and HyukSoo thought it was a nice thought so he brought some home. they were going to eat but then WooBin was like "this is expired!" & the prince gets mad HyukSoo for it... I don't know but HyukSoo works so hard and none of them know nor understand it. Sometimes they don't even appreciate it. He does everything he can do for the prince and always thinks of him first. I really want to hug him so bad.
on a funny note, JongHyun cracks me up. i love it when he figures out things or fix things, he's so freaking proud of himself, it's so funny. his face is all like "yeah thats right i did it." but....the best part was when he got electrocuted twice trying to fix the t.v alksjdlkaj omg his hair and face when he got shocked LOL. priceless.

and i kind of liked it. not loved it but didn't hate it. Lee Min Ki's character, ByungHee, is my favorite character though he was a bit odd. but the stupid thing is...he...died o___o i knew he was only going to be a small cast, but really? You take away the good character? so now I kind of don't know if I want to continue on watching it. I actually only wanted to watch it because SungJoon is in it & so is JungWook. and they're both casts from my favorite drama, White Christmas. I actually didn't know that JungWook was going to be in it. He's nerdy character though, just like his character in White Christmas lol. but I don't know if i'm going to watch it anymore.
on a side note, i love that White Christmas cast stick together alot. Especially in dramas. First with HyukSoo, JongHyun & HyunJoong in Vampire Idol. And then HyukSoo & YoungKwang are going to be in a movie together. And now SungJoon & JungWook are in this one together. White Christmas is probably my favorite cast of a drama. i just love each character & actor so much <3

but Beast's is next month in NY....me & deedee both are dying to go but she won't be driving by then and don't have the money to go. so there's what stopping us. i probably won't have the money either since i have alot to save up for ): and I have no idea where & when Big Bang's will be. i have a feeling they're only going to CA... and i definitely won't be able to go. if it was in NY....and in the summer then me and deedee could go but i doubt that's how it's going to be since they're starting the tour next month.
why can't korean artists ever come here? this state is not all that bad...i mean it's not the greatest state but still ;___;. i guess i have to wait until i go to Korea next year. HOPING DeeDee can go with me. she wants to go so bad too. try all the foods i tell her about and the shopping too. OH & she wants to go stalk see her KiKwang hahaha....:)

for now though. they said if his hernia gets larger though, he's going to have to get surgery. but for now he just needs to go in every two weeks to the veteran clinic near and get a check up. i still just don't get why they can't just do the surgery now. I hate how they're all "it's not that bad YET so you don't need surgery now." i guess it can heal on it self but not 100% guarantee it will. so now he's just on meds...well i'm glad he's okay for now. now i feel much better...just still a little worried.

i feel horrible because i can't take him cuz i have to work ): it's a 3 hour drive from here also. hopefully i can pick him up and take him home when he is released. i kind of want to surprise him and come visit him tomorrow when i get out of work at 4. then i can stay the night at my sister's and leave for the morning in time for work on tuesday. but then i think my dad will say it's a waste. sigh i feel bad now ;___; he's been in a really good mood lately too and i've been loving it. right now he's playing a video game which he hasn't in a long time. and it's so funny. the things he says to the game and if he can't figure it out he calls me to do it.

looking back to their Oh Yeah debut stage & their performances....they were honestly, not all that great. as in they weren't the best at singing and dancing at the same time. But over the years they have progressed. I swear each time they promoted, they sounded better and better. Joon's & Thunder's vocals have improved. Mir's rapping has improved. G.O & SeungHo have always bee great at singing. Their songs have gotten better and better. If you listened to their MR Removed for the performances, you will notice and compared to alot of the groups promoting right now, their lives are amazing and flawless. Their vocals are just as fierced as their dancing in This War. I really am so proud of them because we watched them grow into great artists. To bad the society can't see what we see. As hurtful as the truth may be to some people, but the props always seem to go to the artists who can't sing live well with their pointless catchy songs. which isn't right...
I hope one day, MBLAQ can become like Big Bang. Big Bang is another group who has improved greatly. Looking back upon their LaLaLa performances to now. They weren't the best at live (though we know they are talented). Their songs couldn't make it to number one. But luckily Lies is what made their turning point. I hope MBLAQ can experience that kind of feeling one day.

i mean things i posted from my previous blog which was over a year ago...and there are still sources coming from there. and i remember posting that photo o__o that is so weird. sometimes i miss that blog but then i remember how peaceful i am at my current one. i barely get immature anons and people swarming my ask box all the time. i felt like nothing on my old blog anymore. i had over 4,000 followers on there. when i posted something personal, it seemed like no one cared. and even when i posted it was bleh. i was following too much so it was hard to keep up on my dash and i was getting tired of it. i just didn't feel happy there anymore. so when i left and made a new account, no one knew (only a few did know) that it was me. and actually my followers on my current one are so sweet and nice compared to my previous one. i am grateful, really :)

Vampire Idol is suppose to be a funny and laughable sitcom and it is! But I come to find myself getting teary eyed and sad and sometimes even cry with some parts. Actually it's moslty HyukSoo's parts. His character is so genuine and loyal to the Prince. He had a part time job (a dangerous one) to earn money just so he can buy things for the prince and make him happy. And the prince didn't realize how hard he was working and maybe took advantage of it? But HyukSoo didn't care and enjoys doing it and works even harder. As long as the prince is happy, so is HyukSoo. and there was just some parts that got to me. The prince would be like "oh buy us & Girls Girls some food" because the girls wanted it and HyukSoo would be like "Now?....Okay but it will have to be later." Because he ran out of money so he has to go work and get more. And then the part when WooBin had money but was selfish and kept it to himself just so he can buy popcorn. But then when he heard HyukSoo was working really hard for the prince, WooBin felt bad and cried. Gawd I really love this sitcom so much. I can't wait till they do their band. I want to hear HyukSoo sing so bad!

is because...i've been hooked on one of my video games. I haven't played video games by myself in a long time. And I use to be obsessed with this one game called Tomb Raider since i was like 6 or 7. & I have 8 of them. well I played 1, 2, 3, Revelations & Chronicles with my dad and we finished all 5 together. It was actually our bonding thing. And then when I got Angel Of Darkness I had to play it on my own since my dad lost his thumb a long time ago so he can't play anymore. And I got stuck on Angel Of Darkness (well more likely got too scared and stopped) and I haven't played it since 2009 lol. and then my sister (who got into the game because of me) gave me her Legends & Anniversary, abt a year ago, for PS2 since she plays it on PS3 now. So now I'm back to wanting to play again so I restarted AOD and i'm working on trying to finish it. My parents actually help me because they like watching it and help me with the puzzles. I actually got passed the part I got stuck on so i'm proud haha. And after I finish this game, I want to get the other two done because my dad got me Underworld (the newest from 09) for the PC. and I played the demo and I love it. So that's what I've been doing on my free time. Yeah, I really don't think i'm going to get PS3...though it would be nice but it's not worth it because I only wanted it for two games (Underworld & RE5) but looks like I am getting both for PC so, not worth it.
Oh & also about Tomb Raider, they're having a new one coming out this December. And when my sister told me about it, I was excited cuz it sounded great but apparently they are going to retell & reboot the original story of Lara (the character you play). starting from her being 21 getting stranded on a deserted island after a ship wreck. and she's probably the only human being on theren as in there will be some other "things" on the island that are horrible. they changed everything about her. Her whole appearance looks nothing close to what she's suppose to be. face to toes. Her voice and accent is changed. She seems more weaker. Even though she's a younger Lara, in Revelations, she was just a teenager and she looked more adventerous and tough than this. And like I said, they're changing her original story. I'm not really liking this though the game plot sounds good. but it sounds like since everyone wanted another Tomb Raider, they ran out of ideas. They should have just started a new game series. Why ruin one good series by changing everything around? You can't even keep her to look the same. I know graffics have gotten better, but even in the last one, Underworld, graffics were amazing and she still looked like Lara Croft. I think her original story was really good. about her father's death to her mother's death. To her friend's death and the monstrum and everything. Ugh so disappointed.

they're saying Mir has bad parenting skills because when DaYoung didn't want to eat, he pushed her to the side. But I actually understood his intentions of doing it. It may have hurt her feelings but he was basically doing it because eventually she will see that she's left out and think "oh i do want to eat it." Everyone is brought up differently and taught different things and doesn't make it the wrong way. And the reason why Mir is acting like a kid, is to be in the kids' levels and learn from it. and also Joon with Leo....I know Leo is a boy and he's rough but he's not supposed to be hitting people in the faces and yelling at his dads "YA" which is disrespectful. If you just let your kid going around hitting people, that's bad. My nephew was like that and he was a mean kid for a while. Joon "yelled" at him because he doesn't believe in being spoiled and getting away with things. I actually like Joon's way of parenting and I think he makes a really great father. He knows how to play with kids well and cheer them up. (which is a plus for me haha xD). Actually all five members are doing really well as parents. Taking care of three kids around the same age is tough but they're pulling through good. I'm very surprised and proud of them. Sigh, A+ have been really horrible lately. Complaining and being disrespectful. It's a shame because A+ use to be a wonderful fandom. I had a feeling this was coming though because once A+ grew, it wasn't going to be the same anymore. Please just don't disappointed our boys and tear them up inside. They've gone through enough.

don't know if I ever mentioned this, but whenever I dream of JiYong....he always never talks to me and ignores me in my dreams. it's so weird. one time, I got so mad because I was talking to him and he ignored me so I took my anger on everyone else and ignored everyone in my dream. But last night....all he did was pay attention to me. o__o because HyukSoo was in my dream and usually when I dream of him, I'm with him. but he left me and went with someone else...so later there was this thing with cupcakes. and while everyone was throwing them to eachother. JiYong took the time and walked over and fed it to me...lol. and he smiled too. even in my dream I was shocked he acted this way. I don't know but that was dream was not normal to me.

i just came home from work & my dad told me to come down stairs for a moment. i was thinking he was going to show me something. but lately his stomach has been hurting like he pulled something when he shoveled a couple days ago and comes to find out he did. and now he has like bubbles on his stomach from it so now he has to go to the VA (Veterans Administration) hospital on monday and get surgery done because if he don't, his guts and everything will eventually burst out. ): so i am really worried about him right now and he's telling me not to worry but it sounds bad. he was going to have my uncle take him down since this hospital is three hours away, but i might call off work monday or couple days cuz i want to take him myself since my mom can't drive. i'm just very worried and hopefully surgery goes well for him ;___;