let's just say this video...made me like him even more. when i first found out about siwan in moon embraces the sun, i loved his smile. but later, after watching some videos with deedee, we came across this one. though he looks a bit silly, and deedee kept laughing at him. i find it adorable and shows that he has fun performing and i really admire that. he get's really into it, which actually reminds me of myself lol. i remember, i kept replaying this video and deedee would be like "don't tell me you're watching that performance again? xD" though this isn't one of the main reasons why i started to like him even more because his personality on shows is what made me really like him. but this performance left an impact on me. everytime i even hear this song, the image of him here is what pops in my mind. :) i love this side of siwan.

to me, he has the best voice in ze:a. though they give kevin & dongjun the most parts. kevin does have a good voice, no doubt. but i feel like hyungshik has his unique color to his voice. his voice is deep but he can hit high notes so beautifully. he really needs to be on Immortal Song so he can show off this beautiful voice of his.
in general, i wish hyungshik, siwan, kwanghee, junyoung and minwoo would get more parts. they basically give half of the song to kevin & dongjun which i find unfair. ):

that Star Empire Ent. was too poor to debut ZE:A yet they did anyways. i mean i am thankful they debuted them, but the fact that they were poor, they should have thought twice about it. they should have come up with a better plan. i mean jewelry wasn't doing good, v.o.s left the company due to their contract ending, and nine muses split (they came back later tho). all this was happening at the time of ZE:A was set to debut. they basically used ZE:A to save their company only. the company also treats them poorly. they don't know how to promote ZE:A the right way. they give ZE:A low class songs. they don't give enough parts to kwanghee and minwoo. to the point where Kwanghee had no parts at all in Special Day. that's just ridiculous. they are abusing his ability when he has a great voice and it's not being used. just think how he feels. just because he's labeled as a variety idol, doesn't take his status away of being a singer. Joon is a variety idol but he sings in songs. it's STUPID. the compnay also lets them starve to where they look unhealthy. their managers can be very selfish. and all this still has not helped the company in any way. if they were smarter in promoting and treating them better, maybe ZE:A would be getting the love they deserved. ugh it really frustrates me so bad.

i love you. seriously. i love your scream too oh my god. "WTH HE THINKS I'M STEWPIT!" XD i don't care if people think he's an idiot because i don't. i love his personality. oh and i love justin x kevin <3

best imitation EVER of yonghwa. the best. his face omg alskdjalksjd lol. when i first saw this, i kept replaying it over and over. he should keep this as a special talent and use it on other shows. because it's hilarious and just awesome.

so i haven't posted any in a while. so i might post up a few tonight just because.

so i find hyungshik so freaking adorable, it's not even funny. he's the 4D member, so please excuse his awkward weirdness. but i love it and i love him. not as much as siwan but i just adore this kid. my second favorite in ze:a. he should be the maknae, not dongjun. aldkalkjd i want him more on varieties because i love his personality. i love how he's so weird but that's just what makes him lovable and cute.

but for some reason, i'm having one of those days. where i just feel like crap. i feel pissed off at everything for no reason. today at work, it was hard to smile at customers. and a customer made me really mad and then having the fact that i couldn't solve their stupid little complaint, made me more mad. like i was basically told to argue with the customer that we can't do anything about it. um, i'm sorry but i don't argue with customers. if you want to, then do it yourself. like idec if she's mad at me cuz i told her upfront "uh i'm not gonna stand there and argue with the customer." like i don't care today lol. idek why she's mad at me.
and then i come looking for my junhyung drawing i did a while ago, and my mom went into my room the other day and moved stuff around in my room (which I HATE. because she always moves something, and it disappeared because she forgot where she put it.).  i went and asked her "mom, there was a piece of paper folded by my bed, where did you put it?" and she tells me at first that there wasn't any. i told her there was because it's ALWAYS there. like i haven't moved it from that spot since drew it. i know it was there because i always put my glasses on it before i go to bed. and then she thinks about and says "......uh oh i think i threw it away." omg. the fact that she didn't ask me about it before throwing it away made me mad. instead she just throws any paper that she finds, away. if she would have just opened it and looked at it, i know she wouldn't have thrown it away. what if it was something important? i know it's just a drawing but ugh. idk. i'm kinda pissed but i can't do anything about it because it's gone. it's like every little thing today is getting on my nerves. i am getting annoyed with the day itself, actually. i don't even care if this post is annoying to other people or whatever. i don't fucking care because i have my days too where i am just not happy.

this. this just made my day omg kwanghee. right when he got onto the floor, that got me LOL. always knows how to make people laugh. i loved kikwang's, ssamdi's & yonghwa's reactions.

because my friend keeps asking me to do her hair for her on special occasions? o.o .... lol no jk. i know i'm not. we're talkin about my friend i've had for eight years here. haha for some reason, she likes the way i do hair. she always tells me "instead of taking my future kids to the beauty salon, i'm taking them to you :)"  i don't think i'm that good, but it makes me feel kind of good that she comes to me to get her hair did. she wants me to do it tomorrow and saturday for her b-day. hmmm now what am i going to do? gotta come up with some kind of style though idek what it's really for, for tomorrow. i will just come up with it on the spot then, huh.

so i'm just going to post random ze:a vids a day just because. and today i choose HyungShik's epic fall. he just like PLOPS. poor kid. junyoung didn't even know what happened. heechul and minwoo just laugh at him and they didn't ask him if he's okay. ): haha. hyungshik is too adorable for words. he's younger than me by like 9 months or something. idk, i want him as a younger sibling or smthing. oh & bonus you get to hear minwoo's awesome laugh xD

i think out of all ZE:A members, he takes the most crap. he hears people say so many horrible things about him. things like "he's ugly." "he's annoying." "he can't sing." "he shouldn't be in ze:a." it just really rips my heart that people are like that. the fact that he tries so hard to wanting to be known as a good singer. even though he's always being funny, deep in his heart, he wants to be known as kwanghee, vocalist in ze:a. he feels as if he's an embarrassment to his members. it breaks my heart the fact that it hurts him so much, he cries but tries to put a smile on. kwanghee is one of those people who i don't like to see cry. because he's someone who is always trying to make people smile and laugh. he's always smiling. then there he is, crying because he feels bad. he shouldn't feel like that. i find kwanghee a very talented idol. he's someone i never hated. he's actually the first ze:a member i knew and the only one i cared about atfirst. as an idol, he can make people laugh. he can actually act if he's given the right role. he may not have the best voice in his group, but he can sing. i just don't feel like he's not confident enough with his singing. and you know why? because people are always putting him down and telling him he sucks, when he doesn't at all. if he really tries hard and practices more, he will be a great vocalist one day. i mean, he didn't get into ze:a for nothing. he wouldn't be a "singer" if he didn't know how to. i want to meet just so i could tell him that he's a good singer and that he should practice more.

i took my mom out to go shopping which is an hour away. and i didn't really buy anything accept a new wallet which is amazing. black with gold chain and it was only $10 from tj maxx and then i bought my friend katie, a pair of sunglasses from there for part of her birthday present :) and then i bought myself dynasty warriors 8D lol i know so random but i've been wanting it. then we went out to eat for chinese...tho i eat chinese almost every day cuz of work but i was fine with it :) it's where my mom wanted to go and she enjoyed it and that's all that matters. then when we got home me and my parents went somewhere else and just walked around and looked at all the shops. and now i am home, just sitting here watching ze:a vids. yep. pretty good day i'd say. i'm either going to just chill on tumblr or play my game. idk yettt.

of who i like the most in ze:a. it's actually really hard because i've grown to like them all.
1. is obviously SiWan <3
2. HyungShik because he's freaking adorable and handsome and cute.
3. MinWoo. i find him cute and i love his laugh. & he's a killer dancer.
4. this is hard...it's a tie between HeeChul & KwangHee.
5. Kevin. i love his sense of humor and he's really caring ;_;
6. JunYoung. a really great great leader. he knows how to handle situations like a pro.
7. TaeHun. atfirst i didn't really like him. didn't find him handsome, but now i do. he's a bit quiet though :|
8. DongJun. ok i like him... he's cute in his own way but lately he seems a bit cocky when it comes to his running and other things. i don't like that.

so ze:a has brung out my inner fangirl lately. i know i keep talking about how much i like them and i apologise but you don't even know. though i don't love them as much as i love mblaq & big bang. beast too, but dang i think i almost love them as much as beast ;__; to me they are so underrated yet they worked so hard and i feel it's so unfair for them. i thought mblaq was underrated, but not until i learned about ze:a. i hope with their comeback they can earn the love they deserve :)

it's weird because i only worked 6 hours today. we weren't that busy until like one point we were for a moment. idk, maybe it was because i was sick and then i went back to work. i came home today around 9:30pm and then i tried to do the eyeliner tutorial and i got mad because it wasn't working out right. so i stopped lol. then i came online and checked my tumblr and stuff. i also watched an episode of ZE:A Empire Kids Return. and then played some wii with my mom. and now here i am, really really tired. i gotta work tomorrow again. so yeah, probably either going to watch another episode or just go to sleep. choices choices choices lol. this is kind of a pointless post i know. here i will end with clumsy siwan ruining everyone's ramen brunch while kwanghee has to clean up after him :)

they got lessons and got to dance with poppin hyun joon. he is korea's legendary dancer. he's the best of the best and ANYONE is lucky to work with him. though, i would expect more from ze:a because they got lessons from him, they're still pretty good a whole group. :) he gave them really helpful tips too. and i love the fact that poppin hyun joon is all about real and business but at times he has his cool and playful side to him. i'd love to meet him one day ;___; i don't think i will dance with him though since i have two left feet...lol. but i'd love to see him dance personally. i remember back when I watched Over The Rainbow and he was in it. i think that's when i found out about him. i don't know, he's a cool and talented guy though.

actually had a good dream of him. usually when he's in my dreams, he's always avoiding me for some reason and i never understood that. once i dreamed that me and my friend went to a big bang concert. and he came RIGHT to my section and was shaking all the fans hands but he like literally walked up to me and when i went to reach out he turned around left. and another dream me and jijae were back stage with them. like we were friends with them and we were just having good old conversation. i went to talk to jiyong and he completely ignored me, like on purpose and only me. so i got pissed and ignored everyone.
anyways, last night, was a good dream, in a way i guess. like me and him were together but something made us get into an argument so we weren't together for the moment. and i was upset because i really liked him. and then i find out that he's hanging out with some white girl. and i got even more pissed. but it wasn't like he was "cheating" because we weren't together atm. and i was so jealous because she was like hanging all over him. even hanging on to his arms. (...i like jiyong arms xD) and i was telling my friend because we were walking behind them how mad i was. and  he was doing it on purpose. and then later, me, my friend, jiyong & i think other bb members were out playing this game. like it was badmitton i think? and then he asked me if i was okay. i was so mad because i knew he was doing this on purpose. then later i found at that girl was with some other guy. so i went and told jiyong about it. and so he stopped hanging around her. then later, we started talking again and we got back together. and you have no idea how happy i was. like the people in my dream (idr who was there. i just remember top and daesung i think? and a few of my friends but i couldn't make out their faces) would tell me that we acted like a married couple already. and when we were with a bunch of friends and family, him and t.o.p disappeared and so i went to go find him to ask him if he took his medicine and they were doing something with cookie sheets in a garage... idek cuz i didn't ask and then i remember us walking to where the family was because he said he didn't take it yet. and i remember him wearing the cut off boy london t-shirt. but after we walked to the family, i think my dream ended because i don't remember anything after that.
you know, i really hate dreams sometimes because they make it seem so real and they're not. sometimes u don't want to wake up. ):

they have literally gotten my love 100%. i can not get enough of these guys. idk i love siwan so freaking much. he's just too perfect ugh. likes pink, fashionista, sings, acts, dances, plays violin, likes dj-ing, wants to learn music and he's just bluntly funny too. then there is freaking hyungshik who is so adorable and cute and funny and so handsome. minwoo is too adorable. kevin is awkwardly funny. heechul is just weirdly funny and handsome in his own way. junyoung is naturally a good leader. dongjun is cool too tho sometimes i feel he can be a bit cocky but hey, he's good. taehun is kind of quiet but you can't dislike him. and of course there is kwanghee. what's there not to like about him haha.
i love these kids' spirits for their dreams. they went through hell to get where they are. and i mean literally hell. they had to earn their popularity and their dreams. i really underestimated them through their music. that's not their fault their music isn't the greatest though *cough*company's fault*cough* but i've grown to really like alot of their songs. idk, i have alot of respect for them and i think they are great guys. they all have their own unique and funny personalities. but also a soft heart and a lot of respect for their sunbaes and hoobaes.
gosh i told myself i would not got into boy groups no more. i told myself that mblaq & beast were the last but here i am. i am not doing this no more. no more boy bands for me lol. this is it for me. ze:a, you're lucky.

it can always break apart. just because some people may be extremely close, just like family, that bond can break over the smallest things. people start to resent each other over the smallest things. people start to become ugly and isolate someone from their life because of it. and i find it pretty cruel.
i wish he would just move on with his life and leave those people behind. it's nice the fact he still worries and cares for them, but he needs to let them go because obviously they don't want anything to do with him anymore. and he doesn't deserve that. so i hope he moves on and make better bonds. be around people who will accept him no matter what state he's in or what he's done. and i hope everyone else will just let the past go. and look on towards the future like he is.

Jay is expressing that he wants to do a collab with YG artists for attention.
But thing is, Jay has always been a 2NE1 fan since they debuted. & He's pretty good friends with TaeYang. How is doing this for attention?

And you think Jay is cocky after he left 2pm? UM HAVE YOU LOOKED AT 2PM?
I believe in second chances but after making a huge deal about leaving JYPE on such short notice.
but he never made a huge deal about it. he's the one who left. he was going to get a second chance to be in 2pm again but he, himself, made it not happen. So how did he make a huge deal about? I think reporters and fans made it a huge deal rather than him.
People need to drop Jay's past already. Jay is Jay Park now. He's not 2pm's Leader anymore. He's better without them, personally speaking. Yes, it's your opinion thinking that he's not good enough to work with YG artists but aren't you being too highly of YG? YG is no doubt the best company and my favorite but I think any artist can have a chance to work with them. They all rode the same boat to get where they are now. It's not like Big Bang & 2NE1 are royalty and too good for anyone. To put some one like Jay down, who has been through hell and worked really hard to get his feet back up, is really harsh. I think GDxJAY collab would be amazing or a JAYxCL. idk, i think it would be smart and something great if something like that were to happen.

She's someone who i know from school. Since middle school, I believe. We'd talk here and there but not that much. But I always remember her and how she couldn't go to school much. She spent alot of her life in a hospital. She suffered alot but she always had a high spirit about things and always smiled even if she had her conditions. I mean she had a needle in her chest but she never once showed pain or anything. I just recently saw her last year, she came into my work place and ate. I talked to her for a while and she was telling me how she was hanging in there. She looked sicker & skinnier than she was in high school but she was still smiling. I always admired that about her. How she could bare it all and smile. She just got married too, but today I found out that she had passed away. It's a bit sad to know even though we really didn't talk much. But I knew her and always felt a bit sad for her. But I'm glad to know she's in a better place and not suffering anymore. Hoping her family and closest friends and her husband take care of themselves. again, Rest In Peace Chelsea. We will all miss you.

lately, i kind of don't really care what people say that are in trend now. whether something is in trend or not, if i like it and it looks good on me, i'm going to wear it. there is so many people who worry and try so hard to go by current trends. but honestly, trends actually change daily and so fast, it's hard to naturally keep up. it kind of annoys me when people worry about those things. i just think you should wear what's good for you and what you feel comfortable in.
people also shouldn't worry if something seems "hype" atm. who cares really? if you like it, then you like it. don't worry if people think you're just following the hype.
i think for the time being, i'm going to stick what i love wearing until i get tired of it myself. i think being "in trend" is just wearing something that state who you are. don't go by the trends in society, go by the trends you follow and makes you stay true to yourself.

this guy right here....oh my god. just a month ago i barely noticed him. But his dang smile in Moon Embraces the Sun got to me. It's so nice and beautiful and I just fell for it. Literally. And now after watching a few stuff with ze:a, i like him ALOT. he became my bias....i have a feeling he's gonna pass jaejoong soon on my list and maybe junhyung...but idk! ): like i don't mind but at the same time it's sad. it actually matters to me about my list, silly i know. but anyways, this guy is so much like me i didn't even know it. i guess fell for the right one huh? A fashionista who probably loves clothes just as much as me. now i can have a good shopping buddy. being a fashionista 24/7, even during practice videos. loves the color pink. his personality is so simaliar to mine. he's really blunt & opinionated which i am. idk but i really like this guy. even though people say he's too skinny, who cares. he can't help it. he's short & always wears insoles haha. i think he's extremely handsome. he's so good at acting. I love his voice and he can sing. His dancing is good but not the best in the group but i don't really care lol. Currently watching him in Stand By and i love his character.  if only you liked hello kitty & coke...OMG you would so perfect then. literally. i wish it was some secret hidden inside you.

so this is my reality conclusion for future. i'm getting older by the minute...almost getting to old for making my dreams come true. the reason for me saying is, i remember and realized what last YG auditions i did, the requirements were....you had to be born the year 91 or later and that was a couple years ago. and i am a 91er. i don't think i'm quite TOO OLD yet but i'm getting to that point. my parents both support me but both told me i need an alternative.
i have come to think alot lately, as in a couple months of thinking, and i decided i want to teach english in korea in public schools. this is what i want for future and it's a stable job. though inside i will never give up my dreams but this is what i'm going to do. i always wanted to go into fashion school or music school but it all cost way too much. i don't want to spend the rest of my life paying off my school debts. so after i go to korea in august for three months, i will be back in november. then when january comes, i'm going to go to atleast a community college and get my associates. since that is all i need to become an english teacher. i've been reading alot on it. plus i have two older friends who both have teached over in korea and loved it. actually my friend Kara is still there as we speak and still teaching :) sarah had to quit because her & her husband wanted to settle down and have kids so they're back here. plus simon & martina said they both love it too. but yeah the system pays for your flight there and for a place for you to stay. it seems too good to be true but it isn't. they do this because they are ALWAYS looking and wanting teachers. and both my parents think it's good for me.
actually i wanted to be a teacher when i was younger. and i'm hoping it will be elementary kids since i love little kids and i think they are way more easier to teach because their minds learn more and adapt more. so hopefully it all goes well for me. i'm going to keep this goal and head for it. i'm actually really excited though :) and this isn't one of those things i say and probably won't do because i know i will do it and can do it. i wish i could get my friend katie to do it since she's in college for teaching and she's actually, well hopefully, graduating this winter but she doesn't know yet. and i think it will be a great experience for her. but i doubt she will go for it.