hell no gurl. jay is not the freaking star of Vampire Idol. i love Jay but he ain't getting revenge on my HyukSoo. HyukSoo, WooBin, JongHyun & LeeJung are the stars. Jay is the villain and HyukSoo is a good genuine character in there who is just trying to protect humans. I don't like these fans just now BUSTING in Vampire Idol and saying stuff when they don't know anything about this show. Those 4 guys I just mentioned are freaking adorable and cute. No one is laying a finger on them lol. nope nope.

bang cheol yong, do you not know how much i look up to you? i love your strive to being better and the best. i think one day you will be one of korea's best rapper. i believe in you. don't let those who keep doubting you and keep telling you that you're not good, bring you down.. because you are good and what makes you even better is your drive. you have grown so much as an artist since you debuted. even as a trainee, you got in a bit clueless. just knowing that the music industry was what you wanted. but you didn't know what it was that you were good at. Rain gave you the role as the rapper and you took is smooth under your hands. you may not have been a "born rapper" but you are a great rapper at works. we will laugh together at the day you are recognized as Korea's best rapper. we will laugh at those who spit in your face and told you other wise. because you will prove everyone wrong.

today my car payment was due and last night i was getting my money ready and i didn't have enough. i had to take out of my savings to korea to put towards my payment. and then....tomorrow i have phone payment which isn't that much but i don't have any money rn. like i might have to use all my tips tomorrow on that. and what's horrible is we don't have much business lately. gas went up to $4.15 and i'm barely BARELY making $20 a day on tips. not even joking. sometimes not even making that much. and what is going to kill me more is i am going to my sister's for the weekend. i'm already almost empty on gas so gas is going to kill to the point where i have to take all my savings with me. oh ho and then don't forget car insurance is due when i get back and i will be penniless until i get my check which still isn't enough. i am not touching NOTHING in my bank either. that i will not touch. LASJLKAJS. i'm really pissed off. but more at myself for not saving better last month. and i'm mad at the economy for it letting it get this way. i might really need to do a second job... i literally live on my tips. for all my payments and buying self wanted stuff. i might melt down one of these days but what can i do? it's life. everyone goes through struggles i guess. just frustrated until i work it out.

not a bad hate, just hate him because i am attached to him too much. does that make sense? i like him way too much. everyday or every time i see him, he just makes me like him even more. and i hate it so much because i will never have him. never. no matter how much of a dream i have, it will never happen. he makes reality hard for me. the way he treats them and his father skills makes my heart flutter. literally. why are you so perfect, wonderful and amazing? why do you have to be the person you are? why couldn't you just be someone i met on the streets? just a normal person without all that shine? then i know i could have you. i'm saying selfish things, i know. it sucks really... i hope you find someone that will love you as much as i do, if not, more than i do. you deserve the best partner in life. even if i'm upset, i will still be happy for you.

so i started watching Moon Embraces The Sun. mainly because of SooHyun since
i started really liking him in Dream High. And this guy above, Lee Won Geun, is
driving me crazy. I can not get over the fact that he looks so much like Onew.
and Onew is my SHINee bias & my mom likes Onew alot too. Everytime he shows
up, all we see is Onew lol. At first, we were like "who does he remind us of???" and
then Onew popped in my head. It's so crazy but yeah, this guy is goodlooking. And
he's just as handsome as Onew is. sadly there won't be much of him, i think. since
they are probably going to be doing current characters now, so Song Jae Rim will
now take his place. ;___; i hope to see this guy more in the future in dramas since
moon embraces the sun is his first drama.

until they something to me. i don't want to be a bother keep and asking them stuff. i don't want to annoy them. it's just best to leave them be and let them figure out on their own. they will come to me when they are ready. they can take their time because i will wait. hopefully they are doing okay. a bit worried, but i know that they will pull through.

i am glad i did not buy my hair dye yet because i am debating now. if i want to dye it Caramel Latte, which i originally wanted or if i want to keep it dark and just ombre it. i want to keep it dark brown (my natural hair color) but just go over it because i have uneven coloring due to not dying it right in the past lol and then bleach the bottom of my hair. idk, i reallyyy like the idea of ombre-ing my hair. maybe i should ask my friend's what they think. they probably all think i'm whack and crazy to wanting to do this lol. oh well, my mom said it would look nice.

nothing works out for them at all. after a cute and amazing "date" they had at lotte world, WooBin goes "you know....i kind of wished it was you that was tokki." and YooBi freaks out and is like "OH..uhh...i can explain..." and then WooBin hears her heartbeating fast and it's JUST LIKE Tokki's. so he found out, but surprisingly he was upset. He was really upset, actually. I think the fact that she didn't tell him from the beginning because this whole time he kept getting hurt with her lying to him. I kind of understand why he's upset and feel so bad but at the same time he should just drop it because they can just be happily together now...if he forgave her ): Now Yoobi is really sad too. They are my girl x boy otp in Vampire Idol. They are so cute together and definitely like each other so much. She's the prettiest girl in the show too. But it wouldn't be a drama without all this i guess. I just want them to be together already.

i try my best to help friends, but i am at the point where i feel completely useless. where i don't know how to help them or what to do.
ugh idk i spent the last few days thinking about all of my friends' problems when i have my own problems to deal with. it's not that my friends' are a burden...idk what it is. it's my fault that it's all scrambled in my mind i guess.
to take a second job in the summer or not to? i might need one if i want to go to korea in august but it's the thought of dealing with two jobs at once. i know i can do it if i set my mind to it, but i just don't want to let down my boss at the one i have right now. i wonder if my body and mind can handle two jobs at once. i applause those who can. i guess i have alot to think about. plus other small side issues going on. i don't know, i like to keep alot of my own problems to myself. especially if it's work & life important things. i rather solve those kind of problems on my own. since i know i won't listen to other people. it's my life and it's what i want to do. not what other people think i should do.
yeah...i guess i sound pretty depressing lately with these posts. but it's nothing to worry about. just going through a phase right now. everyone in real life, around me, doesn't even know i am even feeling like this. i guess i hide it pretty well.

i just realized that i am totally not ready for HyukSoo to have a love line in a drama yet. alksdjlkas i'm just not ready yet lol. and i mean a real love line because white christmas he had none, tree with deep roots he KIND of liked SoYi & What's Up...idek if you can count that as a love line. and in Vampire Idol, i like MinKyung. She's my second favorite girl after YooBi...and I know MinKyung likes HyukSoo but KWANGHEE likes herrr and so i think she should go to KwangHee. And this is because I'm not ready for HyukSoo to have a love line but I think in this next episode, he starts to like her cuz something weird is going on with him. sighh I have to prepare myself... I wish cocoa would come back because that's his soulmate ):
and freaking YooBi alskjdlaksdj. I love her but I am so mad at her. I know that she's afraid to tell WooBin that she's Tokki because she thinks he doesn't like her as Yoobi her. And she's also afraid she will lose WooBin as a friend too. BUT COME ON. First of all she's already hurt by making SoYeon look like she was Tokki this whole time. And she thinks WooBin likes SooYeon now....BUT girl WooBin wishes it was you as Tokki. Because he likes you so freaking much. Ugh this girl is driving me crazy and making me sad for her so much.
The ending of last episode though, WooBin is all like "You're not tokki" to SooYeon because he knows how Tokki's heartbeat goes. (he has reallyyyy good hearing lol). SO OMG PLEASE D:

too much to think about to where i'm really confused.... and i don't know why. i need to stop thinking like this. just stop. it's not helping at all. but how do i stop? i just need to wait and see right? ugh i am going to try and sleep this out i guess.

again with Hello Baby, people are calling him rude. Because during last week's episode, there was a talent part...and our hyper maknae was in his REALLY HYPER modes and started yelling and dancing and singing while the other member's are doing their talents. And Mir, he just can't help it. When he gets hyper, he just can't hold it in at all. He can't control it. All the members know that, that's why they didn't yell at him. In fact, they were laughing at him. But then poor guy, when it came his turn to do his talent, he was POOPED and wanted to cry lol. He felt really bad because he lost his energy.
If it was rude towards the other members, they would have said something to him. They are very blunt and honest with eachother, so like i said, they would have said something to him.
People are getting too sensitive when it comes to Mir. Mir has ALWAYS been like this, why all of a sudden are you guys throwing hate bombs at him all the time? AND IT'S SO SAD THAT IT'S A+ DOING ALL THIS TO HIM. A+ fandom, yet again, needs to get their act together. If you were really an A+ then you wouldn't even be saying shit like this about Mir.

I actually don't know much about OneWay other than they have pretty good music. BUT I do know Peter Hyun. I knew him when he was a solo artist, and I liked his one song called "Showman." And i thought he was the coolest because he could tap dance and that he was from Australia haha. And then One Way comes out (his hair is cut) and there is one member called "Peter" and I was like "Wait...you look familiar...and your name..o.o" Then I remembered who he was. It's just he looked different.
The only reason I'm bringing this up is because I saw a picture of him just now on tumblr...

i really don't know why. too much on my mind right now. trying not to feel down about anything but i feel really bummed. and i keep thinking about things i probably shouldn't. like i'm getting confused and i shouldn't be. but it's not my fault i am confused... i just don't want to be disappointed at the end. i don't like these two things piling up in my mind.
i don't even feel like talking on the phone with anyone nor feeling like talking much in general. like i'm even annoyed to talking to one of my friends on the phone at the moment. i even told her yesterday i just don't feel like talking. hopefully she didn't get mad. sigh i feel bipolar actually. UGH i need to stop feeling negative like this. what's wrong with me ):

can you guys please show more respect to your sunbaes? Big Bang won Inkigayo, yet BARELY any hubaes bowed properly and gave their respect to them. I'd understand if Big Bang never gave respect. BUT this is not the case because Kwon Ji Yong is always on the side bowing 90 degrees to EVERYONE while the other members are up there receiving the award. & They also bowed and gave their respect. This is korea, and you need to show more respect to your sunbaes who have been in this industry longer than you. They even have more respect towards you and you're just hubaes. Actually, even if they're hubaes, you still show respect. You're all in the same field. I don't know, I was very disappointed with seeing that.

'In the future if I meet a person I really love, I'll put in my sincerity and handwrite her one letter a day. And then if I make up to a thousand letters by a thousand days and give them to her as a gift, won't that be even more special than any kind of events or expensive gifts?'
that would be the most amazing gift ever. i personally love those kind of gifts rather than expensive gifts. to me, if some one put a lot of thought into something, it's worth way more. even if Joon is a "scrooge" that is the most sweetest gift any girl could ever receive. though there is so many girls out there who'd rather have a ring or something expensive. but i would love letters written by the person i love. because honestly, if someone were to give me so much, i'd get overwhelmed and feel not right. i don't like people wasting their money on me nor spending alot of money for me. if my boyfriend were to keep buying and buying, i would feel really horrible though i know he's doing it because he cares and doesn't care wasting money on me. but i care...
Joon, you are just freaking amazing and sweet. i think you'd make the perfect boyfriend.

guys with long finger nails. THAT IS A NO NO. i can't stand it. i've yelled at a guy friend of mine to cut his because it bothered me lol. And i've been scarred from it since I went to Korea last time. I was on the subway with JiJae and I see this kid who is probably like 16? And I saw his finger nails.....They were longer than mine & I always have long nails. & THEY WERE EVEN FILED & EVERYTHING. like he took good care of them and he wasn't even a pretty boy. just ewww no.
& what also bothers me if their nails are painted. I mean plain black is okay (which also depends on your style it looks good)....but if they're different colors and have design & EVEN gems or something u glued on...why? i'm sorry HongKi, but that creeps me out lol.

i've spent my day basically moving like crazy. work was slow though...but after work, i went to zumba which i haven't gone in a really long time. so i was a little lost and really sore during it. then after i was fine, i came home and took a shower then ate. then sat at my computer for maybe an hour? then i find out about the Big Bang Fantastic Baby Dance contest :O same exact prize. so me & jijae couldn't pass it up. we'll do anything to go there and meet them. So I came right over to her house and we practice for a good two hours. We decided to do our own kind of choreo because....well the original is too much for us LOL. and we got like a minute of it kind of prepped. and now i'm sitting in her living room, on the couch. i'm awake by myself since she went to bed and so did her husband. so idk, her house is kind of creepy at night lol. if ur up alone, it is lol.
this is going to be a hectic kind of week for me, i think. tomorrow morning i have to get up because we have to go over another thing we are doing. and i think Fantastic Baby dance, we are doing probably everynight, if not every other night. so i either come here and stay the night or she comes to my house. CRAZY. i'm gonna die tomorrow because i did too much exercising in one day .__.
oh and this weekend, i think saturday is my free day? LOL relaxingggg. but sunday i have to go to JiJae's in the morning, then a friend's baby shower around 1 pm...then Italian dinner with parents around 5ish? idk.

wth lol on wearing the same jacket. um actually alot of White Christmas cast have worn the same jackets before. there's this one leather fur jacket with a high color that has been going around. hyuksoo wore it in white christmas, kang mireu wore it in vampire idol & sungjun wore it in shut up flower boy band.
man and i got all excited because hyuksoo had some new news, but it's just this.
i find those "news" silly. just like when days after Vampire Idol came out, news are all "OMG this is not the first time hyuksoo, hyunjoong & jonghyun have been together."....omg really? LOL wow. I miss White Christmas cast. I am hoping they get to do more stuff together and star in things together. I WANT THEM TO BE IN PHOTOSHOOTS TOGETHER ): like bazaar or dazed and confused. something really high fashion. I'd say they should make a White Christmas series...but then there would be no HyukSoo...so i wouldn't like that ):

all of those who want snow, you can have it. take it, nobody here wants it lol. we actually had a mild winter here, OH BUT BUT Friday we got BOMBED with a snow storm. 15 inches or more, it was crazy. So I was pretty much snowed in all weekend, i went out once on Sunday. And the weather has been below zero. So as the weather has gotten warmer today, the city snow plow FINALLY decides to come and plow our road. (we live in a sub division thats like 5 min out of town. theres tons of them out here.) and i literally hate the snow plow. They just plow the road, and thats it. They don't care that they just pushed a foot or more higher snow bank at the end of your drive way. thanks, really. So after I'm out to go to work before noon, I see that there is that snow bank. And stupid me was like "you know what, i can make it. i will just go for it." So i back up as fast as I can, BUT i completely fail. I got stuck which was so great so I had to call work to tell them I'm going to be a bit late because i'm stuck in my drive way. I get the shovel out and try to shovel my car out, but it wasn't working that well. My weak upper body strength wasn't doing justice .__. so about a minute later, my mom saw me and came out and tried helping me. Then about 2 minutes after that my dad comes out. Since he's a pro at driving, he gets my car back into the drive way and we shoveled the stupid snow bank. And i finally got myself out. god i was so mad, but luckily Fantastic Baby MV made my day.

the ones in korea. i don't know why i never went to one when i was there before. i guess i wasn't really aware of it? but alksdjlakjsd 20 to 30 kitties just chilling around. SO SO SO CUTE i don't think i'd ever want to leave. (nuna don't be jealous xD) i think i'd get arrested though because i'd probably kid nap one... ugh omg why would they make this cafe. it's a nice thing but it's also so alksdalksdj. okay, on my list to go when i go this year.
oh yeah...so i've been thinking hard about it, and i'm trying to head to korea this fall. i miss my grandma so much and i just miss korea in general. i really want to be there for chuseok so i can spend it with my whole family. i'd get to see my crazy cousin MiRa...i love her but at the same time, omg she's crazy. as in, she can be bitch. she hasn't really been that way towards, ONLY once where she got mad at me because I went to noraebang without her. she got mad at everyone and locked herself in MY ROOM. then it was midnight and she's all "i want to go back home to kwangju". but yeah she can be a total sweet person too. idk, bipolar i guess. ANYWAYS, need to save up money to go. i have enough money for plane ticket, just not enough for spending andd yeah.

these are the BEST performances MBLAQ has ever done. not even joking you. the choreography is so epic and the performance itself. Their charisma all together is so wonderful. NO ONE DOES IT LIKE THEM. I mean come on, have you seen a kpop group go all ninja status? This is something Rain would do which makes it even better. I bet he is watching them and so proud of them. To me, this is the most unique performance i have seen in years out of kpop.
I keep replaying the performances over and over. the dance is just so amazing to watch and it's fascinating. Though i love the song This Is War, Run is my second favorite and I'm so glad they're promoting it. Alot of people say the song isn't that great but they like the choreography. even NON A+ are praising the boys for this performance. Finally some recognition!